Dark Night of The Soul

This concept is absolutely true and should actually read, Dark 'Nights' of the Soul. This refers to the points in which the awakening starts to take effect and the 'darkness' is bubbling out. In order to see more light, we all have to go through the darkness, the mud, the false beliefs, and the lessons. For each person, this can be an array of things and they all seem to hit in waves. For some, it can be a few quick trips, ripping the bandaids off, so to speak. For others, it can last a long time with low feelings as trauma and baggage all get the boot. It can also be that the body itself is rewiring and needing time to dissolve what has been stored over time.

In a way, we are grieving what we knew as true before, the old us. We are letting go of things that no longer serve us as this enlightened person; we become lighter when we become less attached to things that are no longer necessary. In order to find more light, we have to strip away the heaviness that keeps us in lower vibration. These can be material items, bad habits, low-vibe people, and even life-long beliefs.

I found 3 main categories after starting this process, and let's be clear, it never quite ends. The first step was looking at my own habits and beliefs that had gotten me to that point. What lessons did I have to learn that would help to clarify my own life? What was holding me back? I started with some of my habits and began to include more mindfulness into my routine. I started stacking good habits and trying to rid of bad habits. This goes on and on, and some are MUCH harder to deal with than others.

In the second step, I spent time reflecting on how other people have influenced my life. I thought about where I'd like to be, and how I LET others hold me back. I started noticing my own emotions around others; when other people would affect my mood in a negative way. I would think about how I could handle situations differently to reduce these negative moments. This was hard because I typically avoid confrontation, which is also part of finding my voice as this new person. Instead of letting the emotions get to me, or hiding from them, I can now process an appropriate response. Sometimes, it's not responding at all so I can adjust the emotional control I had over the situation. Walking away, using calm language, and sometimes asking tough questions. I stopped being compliant to others to avoid a problem, I wanted change.

The 3rd part of the mission, and a huge part of my awakening, was how society plays a role in all of this. Background, I have never really felt that I belonged with the mass ideals of society. Politics (ticks), television (tel-lie-vision), popularity contests, making tons of money, worshipping celebrities, treating our bodies like an amusement park, working nonstop, living up to unrealistic standards, and learning to be a 'yes' person to have status (ass kisser). I was a loner, a deep thinker, a black sheep. I have always had a hard time fitting in, so I just hid and blended in most of my life. I was too scared to be seen or rock the boat. I had always done well in school, well in activities, well at work, and met many goals. When it came to social situations, I would avoid people, not get close, or drown myself in booze just to survive. When it came to making friends, I only had a few that I opened up to. I had always stuck to myself more than relied on others. Earlier in life this was painful, but accepting my differences now is freeing. I can be myself without attachments or expectations because I don't care who judges me anymore. I hold no space for that energy.

So when I finally thought about it, I realized what had bothered me all along. We follow a society that was set up before we had the freewill to choose it. We were born into the lies, games, and the overwhelmingly unkind world around us. I realized it was purposeful tactic from the people in charge of the system to control us. The busy schedules, comparisons, judgement, fear, and tough expectations kept hidden one of the most important things to humanity: the conscious powers within ourselves. The ability to do much more with our mind that we could ever imagine, which requires a safe, calm, and trusting environment. It was made impossible to achieve within the grasp of society. Society seems to pin us against each other, like it's one big dog-eat-dog contest. That was NOT for me, and it never will be for me. I see that we are all connected by energy and consciousness. I would never want to treat someone like dirt, because that makes me feel like dirt. I see the light in us all, some just waiting to shine.

I have accepted that we are all in different stages of our consciousness. Yes, it is hard to have conversations with people on the superficial level; I want to talk about quantum physics, spirit guides, ancient history, and the places I visit in my meditations. I want to talk about spreading love and how to heal ourselves. I know more people are getting there, but not everyone in your life can be there when you are. Patience and acceptance have been my best friend. I am lucky to have a family that understands what I am going through. They know that this is all for the love of the universe, for the love of our family, and for the love of humanity.

Now I have a new power to drive me in life: the unconditional love and guidance of my higher-self. Raising our consciousness means taking back our free will. We get to choose who, what, when, and where our energy goes. If you are feeling lonely going through an awakening, please reach out. You are not alone and the waves of emotions are real. A huge part of my mission is to help others realize they are more than just a body. We are a beautiful spirit trapped in a body. This place around us is an absolute oasis; allowing every sense to heighten with love and bliss. It was never meant to be one traumatic experience after another, it was meant to be a place to learn, help, and grow. Somewhere in there, we forgot the mission and got distracted by all the shiny new toys, rules, obligations, and people in charge. The truth is, the light has been inside us all along. We just have to want it, look for it, and be gracious when we find it. I am no longer alone. 😀

-A